Also, note that while I'm talking about H!P specifically, this applies to all sorts of idol group-fandom-shipping. Seriously.

*AHEM*

Then I saw Shouganai Yume Oibito's PV and thought, 'hey, that girl is cuuuuteeee. What's her name?'. So I did some searching and looking, and found out her name was Mitsui Aika. And so I dug up the old videos of her audition into the group, watched her progress from back then, and followed her till now.

It's true she started off real shaky - her vocals weren't mind-blowing, and her dancing was mediocre at best. She did, however, improve as time went by - I personally think her singing is better than some older members, and while her dancing still isn't the best in the group, she made it so the dance is hers, if you get what I mean.

...and I must say, the pointless flaming of her is annoying. Things like "she looks like a grandmother", "she can't sing/dance", "she doesn't deserve to be in MM", makes me wonder if these people know what she'd done and sacrificed to not disappoint her fellow members; the staff; the fans she could immediately see and interact with.

I can't say I know all the details, but as michikodesu had pointed out in her own post, Mitsui had once performed - in pain as if nothing was wrong - to the point her appendix nearly exploded - and that causes death. More recently, she suffered a fracture in her ankle, but still continued to perform. How many members in an idol group can you honestly say would do that for you fans?

Yes, I'm biased towards her - I agree and I accept that, because it's true. Even so, I believe this one thing: liking an idol group means liking everyone in it, even with your own bias.

I'll be honest and say that I started out not really liking everyone in the group - I particularly disliked Kusumi Koharu, but I managed to overlook that and look at her charm, i.e. her endless energy and optimism, and I was glad I managed to do that before her graduation from the group was announced. I even thought "ah, the group won't be the same ever again". But MoMusu was a group that thrived on their generations - the fact that their member line-up wouldn't be the same all the time.

That, I noticed, is one thing I think most fans don't really want to accept. For example, much rage is still going on over Kamei Eri, Junjun, and Linlin's graduation, and even more rage will happen with Takahashi Ai's soon-to-come one. I love these girls to bits, but really. Accept the fact that they've graduated/are going to graduate, and keep an eye out for the new, unpolished diamonds in the form of new, incoming members. They might just surprise you.

Because, really. Before they are idols, they are human. They have emotions; they get tired; they'll want to rest and have a family and explore new things. Thinking, no, expecting them to be in the group and performing until they're old is...rather unrealistic. We know we're human. Whelp, newsflash guys! So are they.

Now, going back to the whole "hate on one member and loving the others" thing...

Imagine that you're in an idol group, with the same situation that Mitsui here is facing - only difference: you know and visit these forums, and you see the hate towards you full-blast. Would you be able to continue performing to the best of your abilities, knowing that no matter what you do, you'll be bashed and flamed and critiqued as though your efforts don't matter? I know I wouldn't.

I suggest you read michikodesu's post that I've linked up there, because really, all the points I want to bring up have been brought up. And again, I emphasize... liking an idol group means you like all of them, despite your bias. The internet gives you the freedom of speech, yes, but watch what you write. Someone can and will take offense to it. You don't see us flaming and critiquing your favorite member the way you do to ours, do you?

I'm going to be really antagonistic this point on. (See? I warn you guys in bold. 8D)

Now, those who think that they're better than that one member they "hate": There's a reason why they're still in that group, and that reason is why you're not in it. 8Db

By the way... the "Aika looks like a grandmother" thing?

I know of the "grandpa" one:

But really. How can someone who looks like this look like a grandmother? :

My very simple conclusion?

They're just jealous of her or her cuteness. |D 'Nuff said.

I was taking a break from revision and was chatting with two friends on Skype. One of them was on a forum, and gotten pissed at what those people were writing, i.e. making fun of people with special needs. Then I remembered a phone call that happened over at PKIK when I was there helping set up an account for newsletters and such.

As all three of us are staunch believers that everyone is equal, we're pissed. And angry.

One of the girls has a sister who's autistic - at its worse. The sister can't communicate at all, reduced to crying and screaming and inflicting bodily harm on herself. The friend brought the sister for a haircut, but the workers were too damn busy making fun of her to cut her hair. The other has a friend who's homosexual and everywhere he went, someone called him a "faggot".

I'm lucky that no one picked on my own sister, but I know of a sweet girl from PKIK whose parents sent her to a home and refused to bring her for a simple matter of renewing her passport for the upcoming World Special Olympics in Greece.

Yes, I'm pissed enough that this deserves a blog post.

To all you people out there who live happy, normal lives, possibly as an only child or with normal siblings, let me ask you this.

Did you ever try to comprehend that they did not ask to be born the way they are? Did you ever try to understand how difficult it is for them to be as they are, much less their family members? Do you even know how much we worry for them?

Sure, we might be happier if they were born normal, but they're still family. To you people who enjoy poking fun at them, what if it was your sibling people were poking fun at? You wouldn't like that, would you?

In the case of homosexuality, it's not a goddamned disease. They're human too, just like me and you. Did you even try to get to know them? I bet not. Their sexual preferences should not matter. Their sexual orientation should not matter. If it was you who was homosexual, and people were calling you a "faggot" or whatever other degrading names, would you like it?

I bet not.

I get that the world's a free place. I get that you have your own opinions. I get that there's freedom of speech.

But that doesn't mean you can demean and belittle those different from you.

Think about it. You won't like it if people demean and belittle you just because you're different. So why are you doing it to those who are?

Try and understand them. Read up on disabilities. Try to know those homosexual people. I'm not forcing; I'm just calling out for you to just try and understand the pain we, as family members or friends, go through when some insensitive prick picks on those dear and important to us.

I've been telling people "he broke two very important promises to me". It's a bit more than that. See, how would you feel if the very person who told you "it's not your fault" for the better part of a year (or more) after an event made you mentally traumatized turn around and blame you for it?

It took me days to remotely calm down from that. DAYS. And even then, I still felt like crying when I think about it. Honestly, I still do, but I'm able to control that impulse now. It was - and still is - very, very painful.

I mean, really. Explaining fault for fault is fine with me, but dragging up something that is a goddamned low blow AND emotionally + mentally taxing for me? You have no idea how long it took me to get my mental walls around it again - I'm still getting it up right now.

And while I started talking to him again after I calmed down enough, it does not mean you can use the "opportunity" to get my forgiveness. I told you that I will forgive you when I'm ready. You said that it was okay. So why the heck are you asking me for forgiveness every five minutes when we talk? It pisses me off.

...Gosh damn it, that was one. effing. low. blow. Seriously. I'd have thought you, of all people, knew it. And the "said it in anger" argument?

I trusted you to not bring it up. And you broke that trust. Shattered it so badly that I'm afraid of promises now.

No, wait. It's probably more accurate to say I'm afraid of you. How am I to know you won't bring this up against me again? You can swear and promise all you like, but I cannot bring myself to believe it.

The two promises he broke? He made those himself. One was to never, ever act like a damned idiot I wish to never see again (who controlled me and made me feel like an object). The other was that he would never make me cry on his account. Yup. Completely and utterly broken.

That one year and nine months meant the world to me. I had honestly thought I could be with him forever and not regret it. When he started being overly possessive, I still trusted him to be able to realize it on his own. And all it took for that trust to shatter as completely as it just did were the exact words he said that night.

All the things we went through, again, meant the world to me. But I cannot - would not - be together with a person whom I cannot trust completely... even if I love him.

*frustrated sigh*

ANYWAY.

Tomorrow night, Imma heading to my house. Finally, after YEARS of knowing he did fire-dancing, I can see the practice in motion. AISHOFHOIHSOUADUIDHSOZIXNHOSGB what kind of best friend am I orz

And I get to play with his DSLR too. 8D THE AWESOMENESS.

Last week, I asked a friend - lets' call her L - to lend me her Microeconomics notes so I could cross-check with my own. So I got them notes from her on Monday. The conversation we had went something like this:

Me: Okay thanks. Could I give it back to you on...say... Wednesday?

L: *wide-eyed* What, Wednesday?!

Me: *joined in the wide-eyed-ness* Because I don't think I can cross-check that fast. *thinks* Okay, how about Tuesday?
L: *still wide-eyed* Eh, don't la. Micro has a lot of chapters to study for.

Me: Okay, okay. I'll get it back to you ASAP.

By that point, the gears in my brain were already turning rapidly. How the heck was I supposed to cross-check god knows how many chapters in less than 4 hours? I pondered this throughout our first period and as I was walking for classroom switch.

Then I passed by the photocopying shop. And the thought of: 'how about I photocopy it and explain the situation to her later? I'm sure she'll understand' crossed my mind.

Me being that impulsive person I am, I walked into the shop and told the lady who handles the photocopier to photocopy the notes for me. In an act of stupidity, I completely forgotten about the existence of something called the hand phone that I could use to inform and ask for permission.

I also glanced around out of boredom at this point, and even if she passed by the shop, I wouldn't have realized it.

Later, a stack of papers heavier and RM2 poorer, I continued my walk to the next classroom. I was already prepared to apologize and explain my actions when she stormed into the classroom, towards me, and basically ask-demanded: "You photocopied my notes, didn't you?"

And, lets face it, when hearing someone talk in that tone of voice, it makes you think "okaaaay... explaining my actions now would just make her even more pissed off. What to dooooo?"

So I nodded and apologized in this meek voice, handing her notes back to her. She went on asking if I knew it was rude and unfair of me to do so, said that, and I quote, "broke her trust", then stormed off to another corner of the classroom.

That was fine and dandy and all, so I sat down and thought to myself, "I hope she cools down enough so we can sit down, talk about it, set terms if need be, and push the matter aside". Guess what? I was wrong.

Today, she did her utmost best in avoiding and ignoring me. So I did the same. As the saying goes, "do unto others what you want done unto you", or something like that. It's not that I don't want to talk to her and get this matter settled, but how can I when she's still quite obviously fuming and going all RAGE! at me? She's also using our mutual friends as middle persons to get messages and things to me, as well. Is that fair for them? I think not.

Right now, I am quite peeved, annoyed, and perhaps that bit upset. Why?

I know I'm guilty - I'm not denying it. But hey, when someone copies her quiz answers, she found it in herself to sit down and talk to this person who did it, and swept the matter under the rug. All within the span of two days. And it's already day 2 with our issue.

Back to the topic. The reason why I did what I did was because - she said it herself - there's a heck load of chapters to study for Microeconomics. And my note-making style is completely different from hers. If I just did a half-assed cursory glance-through between both sets of notes in less than 4 hours, how was I supposed to know I got my facts right? She wanted her notes back on that same day too.

What else was I supposed to do? Use my phone and take pictures of her notes? Uh-huh, right, and make sense of itty bitty writing that still won't zoom up big enough for me to make sense of on the computer without getting all pixelated.

Like I said, I was prepared to explain my actions and apologize. Like I said again, she stormed up and RAGE!-d at me before I could even get a word out, and is still doing so today. How was I supposed to sit down and talk with her again?

Don't get me wrong, I actually find her 'stickler for rules, goody-goody two shoes, rigid' personality to be quite cute - and funny when craziness takes over her. But I was going to fess up, explain, and apologize when I saw her, and didn't get the chance to. Again, who in their right mind wants to explain their actions to someone who probably doesn't want to even hear them in the first place?

Yes, I know it was rude - that's why I was going to apologize in the first place. Me forgetting the existence of the handy-dandy hand phone would come off as an excuse; really, who wants to hear that? But... unfair? It's not as if I'm completely using her notes; I have my own notes too.

It was because she wanted it back so fast and so soon when I normally take my time cross-checking that I believed I had no other option but to do what I did. That, and asking her to keep bringing her notes for me to check daily will be tiring - I'd have to check where I stopped, I'll backtrack to make sure I got my facts right... things like that.

So... unfair? I'll leave that up to your personal opinions and experiences to judge.

In any case, if someone borrowed my notes, then came back and told me: "Hey, sorry I didn't tell you, but I photocopied your notes since you wanted it back ASAP and I wasn't sure if I could finish it on time. I'm sorry", I would have chuckled, smiled or laughed and told them it wasn't a problem.

It's not like they stole my answers for anything. If that person was a dead-weight in group projects, then I'll be pissed and RAGE! at said person. But I'm pulling my own weight in group projects too.

I've already decided that when we actually sit down and talk, she can decide to never lend me her notes again, and I'd be fine with that. All I ask is that she'll push this matter under the rug and explain concepts in subjects that I don't understand. Is that too much to ask for?

So yes. She's older than me. (What does age have anything to do with this?) She has the 'stickler for rules, goody-goody two shoes, rigid' attitude/personality. I find this to be quite cute and makes L... well... L.

But to RAGE! at me for so long, and not going to hear me out anytime soon? Wow. How mature is that?

I get that everyone has their own personality quirk, strengths and weaknesses. I also get that everyone does things differently, no matter how similar it is to your own style. L needs to understand this too, methinks.

Honestly, it scares me to think that she'll continue on like this in the working world - a world were backstabbing and talking behind one's back is normal. Should she RAGE! like this at someone who took credit for her work, it would be understandable. But if she RAGE!-d at a colleague who merely wanted to photocopy notes from meetings or something equivalent to that...

Just... wow.

(P/S: I wonder what her reaction was when I was the first to reply that group SMS she sent earlier. I have a feeling she had no choice on that. Imma feeling oddly amused at this fact.)

"The only way for me to de-stress myself is by smoking."

Like, WTH. I mean, really. WTH.

FYI, smoking, of all things, is NOT cool. It is an act of slow suicide. Know what sort of diseases that could be caused from smoking (or, more accurately, the stuff in a stupid stick of cigarrette)? The most well known one happens to be lung cancer? Malaysians, know the icky, disgusting little picture they put on the cigarrette boxes? THAT is how your lung will look like because of smoking. So if you want your lungs (which is vital to your survival, next to your brain and heart) to look like that, go on right ahead and keep on smoking.

Not very healthy-looking, now is it?

Two, just because your friends are smoking does not mean you have to follow. If they say you have to smoke to hang out with them, ditch them. Those kind of people are not worth your health. But, again, if you want your lung to look like the disgusting little picture of the black lung on the cigarrette boxes, go right ahead.

Three, there are so many more healthier ways to de-stress yourself. Join the gym, take up a martial art, participate in an extreme sport... These options are waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than smoking. Geez.