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Tuesday, April 19, 2011...I need a new blog skin. This one looks horrible, OTL.
I've been doing some self-reflection lately. I don't know why this happened less than a week before exams, but yea. Self-reflection
Here we go.
1) I'm a loner.
Not that I'm always alone. It's more of... compared to being with a group of people and feeling left out, I'd rather be alone. Thing is, I don't talk much in groups - heck, even in groups of three I can be ridiculously quiet. I'm more talkative in pairs - and online. Or perhaps it's how well I feel I "click" with people. Who knows.
For example, when I compare talking to my uni mates with my besties, I talk with my besties better. Even when I'm with bestie-number-one's group of friends from "The Ohmygod Academy" (name courtesy of one chocobo head), I'm more talkative compared to when I'm with my uni mates (exception being those with similar interests). I don't know why this happens.
2) Bad temper is baaad.
I... have a rather short fuse. I'm also quick to tears. I don't know why or when things people say will set me off (last week didn't count. I was trying to train my darn characters, and Henry made Ruz's character kill mine when all he wanted to do was make it a little harder for me. Of course I was pissed. Do not piss off the casual gamer *angryface*).
Something tells me I need to learn to overcome this one. ;;;
3) I'm confused.
This one deals with emotions more than anything else.
Today, I read Carmen's blog about her previous relationship (in which her sister totally pwns, btw), and Michy just broke up in hers. They both shared a common theme - the guy was a complete asshole.
In Carmen's case, the guy dumped her for another then came back to her, before doing the same thing again. She gave him two chances, and he blew them both. Now, he's bothering mutual friends between them (also apparently hurting himself). Personally, I'm glad Carmen decided enough was enough and moved on. She deserves better.
Michy's, on the other hand, was a case of immature guys. He apparently doesn't know what she meant to him. This was also the second time. I mean, seriously? I've had Michy on YT as a friend for a while - though it's only this year that I really got to know her - and while my interaction with her is still quite limited, I could tell she's an awesome person to be with.
Rai, you suck. Really. Do you even know how much you've hurt her? My respect for you has gone down a lot.
Obviously, there's my own "dilemma". No, it's not about Andrew anymore - he just changed his relationship status on FB today, and I'm glad for him. No, it's someone else, but going into details is far too troublesome. Long story short, he says something but does something else. I don't know what to think.
4) I try to empathize... a lot.
I honestly don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. When someone tells me their troubles, I seem to immediately try and imagine myself in their situation. I'm not quite sure what to make of this. ;;;
5) Sometimes, I wonder...
...what's worth fighting for, and what's not. What's "right" and what's "wrong". Things like that.
Looking at the world now... it's so politically-driven. Everything is for someone's own gain. Everything causes someone to lose out. Everything makes someone happy; another sad; another angry; another indignant; some confused; others neutral. Things don't make sense anymore.
Why is it power causes people to go corrupt? Why is it the good is always overtaken by the bad in the political scene?
Things really don't make sense.
6) I seem to play "editor" and "peacemaker" a lot.
The editor part is mostly for assignments - checking grammar, sentence structure and all that. I'm fine with it too... though it gives me a headache sometimes, trying to understand the sentences better. ;;;
The peacemaker part came up just yesterday. Xajin, Junnie, and I were having lunch, and Xajin, being the blunt, in-your-face sort of person he is, told Junnie that she was "an easy target". Thing here is, Junnie has a rather - how do I put it? - classy, princess-y aura about her. Her definition of "casual" is my definition of "semi-formal". And she's dense, and she coined it herself.
Imagine this please: three cosplayers in the same university, sitting and talking in the nearby mamak, having this sort of conversation. Over maggie mee goreng. No joke.
So, Junnie over-thought Xajin's words and sorta... blew up. Xajin did his best to explain that he meant no harm by pointing it out, but Junnie was... ignoring him. As a third person in the conversation, I could feel the awkwardness in the air, and I was... kinda... pulling faces by myself (Junnie was sitting in front of me too; how smart of me).
Really, Xajin and I insult each other for the sake of insulting each other. He's also a guy who's fiercely protective of his friends. It really isn't that hard to tell; I could hear his concern for Junnie when he told her these things. I played peacemaker for a bit, Junnie apologized. End of long story. *SHOT*
Other times I play peacemaker? One word: home. Nuff said. ;;;
Yea, I can't think of anything else right now. But these few things are the ones circulating in my mind the most right now. Meh. Hopefully I can find closure within myself
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