Welcome...to my world.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
WARNING: RANT AHEAD - excuse the language please.

I miss him.

Why, bloody hell, why?!

I feel so darn messed up. I swear I'm fine, countless times, but somehow, yesterday made me NOT fine - don't know how that happened, so please, don't ask. Seriously.

I still love him.

After so long. So darn freaking long. Why must emotions be so messed up? Because it's definitely not helping me think rationally. My parents were right - I have definitely not been okay.

Because I kept in contact with him.

There were second thoughts, yes, but I know better. Or so I like to think. But it hurts. It still does. Like I said, emotions = messed up.

All because I still love him. All because of that.

I feel retarded. Maybe I am. Who knows? Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore.

Because I won't see him again. Because I won't message or call him again. Because I'm (going to try) erasing him from my memories, my life...my hopes and dreams for him to be 'The One' for me.

I know there are others out there, but he...is? Was? I don't know... the only one I've ever felt so strongly for. So it hurts. It hurts badly. But I will survive. I know I can. I'm not the only person who feels or have felt like this, after all.

I should've done this earlier. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much now; when I'm making it real. But hey, at least I'm doing something. Better late than never.


Bleh, that was depressing. >.< but I had to do it. Otherwise, I won't ever be able to let go.

...I still feel like crying. I guess that's normal, hey? Or maybe it's just me. Who knows? I definitely don't.



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