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Monday, November 21, 2011愛しいパパとママへ…
To my dearest parents,
First off, let me apologize: both for hiding things from you and also for putting this on my blog. One, I tend to express myself better this way, where I can gather my thoughts properly and put them down in words. Two... well... every time before I could even talk to you both about this, you'd start on how he's not good enough for me, etc to the point that I just feel like shutting up and hiding away even more.
Before I move on, words aren't enough to express how thankful, grateful and appreciative I am for your concern, worry, love, and, yes, anger too. But I need to let my thoughts known as well.
I want you to know that I completely understand where you're coming from for I know that if I were to be in your shoes, I'd react in the exact same manner - possibly worse. I know that you believe, more than anything else, that he is not right for me; that he will not change; that history would just repeat itself. I also know that you believe that he was a rebound case for me; that I'm not using my head to think this through.
Please, please know that I'm not saying this as an act of defiance. I just want you to know my thoughts and feelings on this matter.
First off, I feel and believe that whatever happened to you before may not necessarily happen to me. Yes, there is a chance history would repeat itself, but anything can come out when emotions take over, don't you think? We were both in the wrong that time - we were angry and upset and have said a lot of hurtful things to each other. We've came to terms with that. We've apologized.
Second, I know he posts all sorts of nonsense on Facebook. He's also very stubborn and unwilling to change for just anyone. You've also said that without a degree, one can go nowhere today. For your information (and I don't mean this in a snobby manner), he has been changing - for me. Smoking is bad - he's working on quitting, going from an entire pack in half a day to 1-2 sticks a day, even resorting to sweets to control his urge without any outside influence. Alcohol - he only drinks when with a certain group, not all the time. Degree - he's been back in his studies for a while, now working on his degree for mass comm, majoring in broadcasting.
Third, you've said that I'm using my emotions and heart, not head, to make any decisions regarding him; that he was likely a rebound. Hear me out when I say that I have been using my head. Yes, I've been confused for a while as you know. But I've thought about it for a long time, and I've found a decision.
Yes, he could have potentially be a rebound... but if he was a rebound, I wouldn't have stuck with him for so long. Yes, I met him and he came into my life when I was at my weakest. But you've told me to find someone who would love me more than I would him, and that's how I feel with him - safe, secure, loved, and that everything in the world was right.
But more than anything else, I want to see for myself if the relationship could truly work or not, even after that mess called break-up. If it does, then it does. If it doesn't, then so be it; life goes on.
I know you won't support - nor accept, even - my decision. I think that, with this post, you would know what I've decided on; maybe even before this. Whatever the consequences, I will bear it on my own and know that it was through my own actions that caused it.
I'm prepared for that. I just hope that my decision is respected, both as your daughter and as an adult.
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